Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they are so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can’t help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it’s not always pretty. It’s the anger, farting, bedhead and bad breath, it’s the random dances, it’s the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and won’t leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. It’s fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it’s those nights you fall asleep in each others arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it is one heaven of a ride.
“We need to talk” he texted his wife.
She wondered what was wrong, men rarely use that “We need to talk” line.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
“Let’s talk when we get home” he texted back.
“You’re scaring me” she replied.
“Is there something you should be scared of?” he texted her.
She called his phone, he didn’t pick up.
She got home after work, anxious.
She stretched her hand to open the door, the door opened before her. Her husband opened the door.
She looked at him dressed in linen, wearing his smile.
Soft music was playing, the house was warm, it felt pregnant with romance.
“Hi love, welcome home” he said as he kissed her lips.
She stood there at the door surprised.
He took her handbad and placed it on the seat.
He closed the door behind her, knelt down to help her remove her heels.
All she could do was smile. Something about a woman being served brightens up her face no matter how busy her day has been.
He gently placed her heels next to the door.
He removed her coat, placed it on the sofa, he unbuttoned her blouse.
“The kids!?” she said.
“The kids are at their grandma. Sleeping over at my mom’s”
He took her hand and led her to the sofa.
He made her recline on the sofa.
He placed a towel that stood at the table on his lap, placed her feet on his lap, took a warm towel that was in a basin next to the sofa and wiped her feet.
She looked at him giggling covering her face.
“I love you” he said.
She felt those three words go through her entire body.
“I love you too” she said smiling.
“You said we need to talk?” she asked.
“Yes, tell me how your day has been, how is your heart, how are you?” he asked.
“You mean there is nothing wrong?” she asked.
“No, there is everything right. You are the right woman for me. I just wanted to talk with my wife. I miss you, I really miss you. Even though we sleep on the same bed, it feels like we don’t really talk” said he.
A message came on her phone that she was holding, a Facebook message alert.
He took her phone and threw it on the next sofa.
He said, “Today my love, no Facebook, no TV, no children, no cooking”
“No cooking?” she asked.
“Yes, I ordered take away. It’s in the kitchen” he answered.
“Wow! You had this all figured out” said she.
“Darling, I strategize at work to get profits, surely, I can strategize to please my wife” he said.
She relaxed on the sofa.
“Your hairline is receding” she said.
He looked at her.
“You mean married life has been so busy I haven’t had time to look at your face in such a long time; I mean really look at your face. You are quite a handsome man” said she.
“You know how to pick them huh? You got taste in men” he teased her.
She paused and looked at the man she loves as he rubbed her feet.
She told him how her day has been, they shared thoughts, they laughed, they reminisced, she opened up about a painful part in her life and teared up, he opened up about his frustrations as a man… they prayed. Some things about your spouse you will never know until you two create ample time to talk.
He served her dinner, they ate remembering their dating season, there was a spark in their eyes, they went to shower together, washing each other’s body, he saw the spot where she burnt her skin while cooking three weeks ago and kissed that spot.
They turned off the music and the lights, they got to bed and had an intimate pillow talk. There they told each other how much they love each other. They cuddled, their toes danced together. He talked to her until she fell asleep. He kissed her forehead, watched her sleep then he rested too. No making love because all he had done was not some sweet acts to get sex but because he wanted to connect with her much deeper. So many women feel that a man only puts his best effort when he wants sex.
In the morning, there was a glow about her. She looked like a loved up woman. He had missed watering her heart with love, “I need to do this more” he thought to himself.
Maybe all your marriage needs is for you two to talk; not sex, not arguments, not complains, just talk!
Borrowed from www.beautifulmarriages.com
Do you take advantage of someone’s weakness? Why??!!!
Do you understand how you need to be someone’s strength in their time of weakness? Have you figured out that a relationship is about the give and take??
What is the one thing you want out of a relationship? What do you feel insecure about? What would you change?
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In relationships we must remember that everyone fights hidden battles. Not just the female and not just the male but ALL of us. We must remember to pick each other up when the other is down and to build them up.
It burns me up to see someone constantly belittled and put down, especially when it is by a so called loved one. That is NOT love! That is NOT respect! That is NOT a healthy relationship! That is a RED FLAG – GET OUT and RUN as FAST as you can!!!!
If you feel the need to trample all over someone’s feeling that you say you love then you seriously need HELP!! It isn’t normal or right to go around bashing someone constantly. If you feel they are that ignorant and unworthy of your love then WHY are you with them? Words are also a form of abuse – it may not be physical but it is mental and does just as much harm. You just can’t see the damage from the outside.
In relationships we are supposed to build each other up. When one is having a bad day then the other needs to step in and pick up the slack. Don’t become another battle they are fighting. Don’t you think we have enough battles to fight in this insane world without adding to our loved ones list?
Eventually they get tired of fighting and become depressed and if they are smart they will move on. No one wants to have to constantly fight the same battles. If you truly love each other and you are fighting then you need to have a conversation and discuss what it is that is at the root of the problem.
SIDE NOTE** This also includes talking trash about your partner to others.
“The worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. It is the betrayal of a friend.”
When you know you can totally trust your mate, it removes a large potential for worry. It also builds your internal security so that you not only feel good about your partner, but you also feel better about life. Having an honest relationship creates a kind of buffer between you and the difficulties of the world. Having a mate you can trust and rely on also makes it easier to take those risks that help us grow.
Many people feel that little white lies, which may spare their partner some grief, are okay, and in some cases that’s true. But you can’t have a culture of honesty in your relationship just some of the time. If you tend to omit or color the truth, so things look a better, it could actually damage your relationship at a core level. Trying to “protect” your partner or just trying to avoid looking bad can create more trouble than it’s worth. It is best to be above board in all your dealings.
When asked about what qualities they want in a partner, most people will list “honesty” among them. Unfortunately, most of us have had the experience of being lied to. When you have a relationship and a family, you need to know that everyone is on the same page, and this is hard to do unless both of you are being honest.
What honesty gives you is a great deal of comfort. Knowing you can implicitly trust your mate allows you to be your best self, and your relationship will continue to thrive because you are able to give each other the positive energy you need to navigate life’s ups and downs.
Honesty is not just about telling the truth, either. It is also about telling the truth in a way that your partner will hear it and benefit from it. We all want to hear how great we are, of course, but we can also benefit from making some slight adjustments in how we do things. This is where a little honesty from someone you love and trust will help you make the small changes that can make your world a better place.
In this case, honesty needs to be tender. If you have to say something to your loved one that may be unsettling to him or her, I suggest you do it as gently as possible. “Brutal honesty” has gotten a lot of press lately, but I have seen it do more damage than good. You need to present your issues with some degree of kindness. If not, your message may be buried in an avalanche of hurt feelings.You will both be much more able to communicate if your hearts are not wounded in the process.
Honesty is a way of life, not just a behavior. Keeping it paramount in your relationship will bring in more good and keep the bad stuff at bay. Knowing you can totally trust one another brings a type of freedom and comfort that helps your relationship work in the best way possible.
In order to have a lasting relationship you must be able to support each other at all times. When one of you are feeling down and just having a bad time then the other needs to pick up the slack and do what they can to help. Marriage is a partnership and its NOT 50/50!! It’s 100% all time. In order to have a great relationship you have to take the good with the bad. Never focus on the bad unless you just want problems.
I challenge each of you to do something special for your significant other! Can be a date or something as simple as fixing them something to eat. Do something a little out of the normal!
Feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org